so many thoughts running through my head. rambling, incoherent, short, long, sad, happy, painful, wistful, hopefuly thoughts they are. so many so many. ending up in this jumbled mess, that i can't or don't want to sort out. its too tiring really. and i'm already so tired from the preparations.

i've always liked the old things. old friends, old books, vintage, black & white, sepia and all that. sometimes i get so excited about the future, about all that is new, and finally escaping the shackles that have held me in spore. then i think about certain things, certain people, who i know can never be replaced. and i wonder if there will be something i love as much as that item. like my chair that i'm sitting in now, the one that i studied my arse off for my Os & As, the one that i wrote all my letters in. like my couch that i've spent so many nights watching the nightsky, or watching the rain come down. and then there are the people. people i'm so used to seeing constantly, and even if i don't see them constantly, i'm able to take comfort in that i can pick up the phone anytime and call them. but so many of them are gone now. some have flown away, some have walked away and some are still here by me. but soon, it'll be my turn to fly away. and sometimes, i feel like i should say sorry to them. haha. not apologising for choosing this path, but for not being there all the time.

its going to be time to say goodbye soon. despite everything. i really can't wait (: